The second time I didn’t bang ‘the boy’

The 20 year old and I have still not had the sex (ed. read in Borat voice).

We’d initially arranged for me to stay over on Saturday night, but that morning I rethought it and said that I didn’t want to sleep over. This was partly because I’m terrible at sleeping and sharing a bed is the worst, and partly because spending the night is a different level of intimacy that I’d ideally like to avoid – the exception being doing it out of convenience. I think he was a little annoyed, but quickly got over it. He told me to wear something sexy. Obviously I turned up in leggings and a jumper. Queen of Casual.

As soon as I walked into his room I saw a lit candle and instantly walked over to smell it. Anyone who knows me will tell you I have a slight candle/fire fetish; I once made a small fire in my bedroom at university. As you can imagine, the housemates were less than thrilled. Anyway, the boy, quick as a flash, is suddenly behind me and blowing out the candle

I was supposed to blow that out before you got here. Didn’t mean for it to be romantic

What a charmer.

We exchanged pleasantries and were quickly on each other. Leggings and a jumper – works every time, ladies. It was a fairly standard tryst, although we had to have this conversation again:

Me – Don’t leave marks on my neck again

Boy – Why? You don’t like it?

Me – I’m an adult. It’s inappropriate at my age

And I stand by that! Anyone who says otherwise is wrong.

Anyway, we finish (lol), get dressed and decide where to go for dinner. Apparently, my opinion, even though he asked for it, is irrelevant. So we end up at a Chinese buffet. What girl wants to go to a buffet on a second date? How can you take advantage of that? We’re supposed to be dainty and shit, not eating like beasts until we want to vom. Luckily I don’t really give a fuck, so matched him plate for plate. And then had ice cream.

Once back at his, he fixed me a drink – not quite in the Mad Men way I dream of – and I made myself at home. He showed me random crap on the internet that I pretended to be interested in and then asked what music I wanted to listen to. Again, why ask my opinion when you’re only going to disregard it? He told me to give him a massage.

Me – You could say ‘please’

Boy – No. Just do it.

Rude. But I knew better than to argue. Besides, it was as good an excuse as any to get his top off. I carried on until my thumbs hurt/I was bored and decided to initiate play. Things quickly escalated and clothes started coming off. Until he got to my bra. That’s when things came to a grinding (lol) halt. The boy was literally stood behind me with the light on. What the fuck was he finding so difficult? I attempted to help but he smacked my hands away. So I stood and waited rather impatiently until he managed to open the clasps.


I think this small blip made him feel he had something to prove. Suddenly I was bent over, one hand around my neck and the other in my pants. Again, things escalated. He spent a lot of time on me. Like, a lot. Like, too much. I tried to make him stop. He held me down. I bit him. He picked his tie off of the floor and started to wrap it around my wrists. I fought it. He flipped me over and tied my hands behind my back. I struggled more but we both knew I loved it. This continued for quite a while longer until he finally conceded that he, too, needed a turn. I’m pretty sure he was going to make me suck him off with my hands still tied behind my back until I told him to untie me because no hands makes for shit head. Fool. We then had this conversation:

Boy – Where do you want me to do it?

Me – Do what?

Boy – You know.. when I’m finished..

Me – Ohhh, anywhere. Mouth is fine

Boy – Have you done that before?

Me – *awkward pause of shame* Yes

At least I don’t look like I’ve consumed unhealthy amounts of jizz. Ohh, the perks of an innocent face.

Sex didn’t occur, once again, because of a lack of condoms. I’m reckless and stupid so would have done it without but, thankfully, he is much more sensible. Maybe too sensible, though. After he came, the kid told me not to touch myself until after I washed my hands. Too much.

We lay and chatted. Standard post-sexy time routine. I left and went home.

I will fuck him next time.


6 thoughts on “The second time I didn’t bang ‘the boy’

  1. Pingback: Things to be left in 2013 | Tackling Your Twenties Gracelessly

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